Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
