he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Randomize
