She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
