I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
