I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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