Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
so let's talk penis.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
there is puke in my bra ... again
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
