so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Randomize
