Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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