My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
