Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
