Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
