oh fat girl friday strikes again...
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
