you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
