after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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