I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
