whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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