last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
