Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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