i permit you to call me
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
