She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
