happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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