Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
My dad is sitting where you rode me
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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