don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
