i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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