Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
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