Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
