HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
