i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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