do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
My cat gives me a boner
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Randomize
