I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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