I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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