He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
