I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
