I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
