Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
