i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
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