My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Randomize
