I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize