JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
3 2 1 whiskey
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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