walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
