Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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