I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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