im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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