Whod you bang
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
