there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
do herpes really smell.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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