she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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