i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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