my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
