Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
