I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
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