You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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