hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
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