So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
