i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
