I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
