I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
