I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Randomize
