Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
