I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
