PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Randomize
