i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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