Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
