sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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