But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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