We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize