update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
