I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
