I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
