I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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