She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
