oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
