i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
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We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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