I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
