This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...