Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.