I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
