I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!