fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize