I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
