it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"