there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.