Texts From Last Night

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  (303): View more from Colorado

  You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.

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  (303): You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you. http://tfl.nu/620d
  Replies (20) Good night (5832) Bad night (1158)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.

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  (404): You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense. http://tfl.nu/zmp3
  Replies (12) Good night (5966) Bad night (764)
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  (646): View more from New York

  I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.

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  (646): I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11. http://tfl.nu/ga7m
  Replies (11) Good night (2958) Bad night (708)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.

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  (703): Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates. http://tfl.nu/cs1d
  Replies (24) Good night (1745) Bad night (4245)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.

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  (336): pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand. http://tfl.nu/ttma
  Replies (20) Good night (993) Bad night (3815)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."

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  (802): We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money." http://tfl.nu/9u0b
  Replies (12) Good night (1376) Bad night (6016)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?

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  (612): Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife? http://tfl.nu/rjpj
  Replies (34) Good night (2180) Bad night (8481)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.

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  (207): I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots. http://tfl.nu/eygf
  Replies (5) Good night (3547) Bad night (1223)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.

  (614): View more from Ohio

  My vagina agrees.

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  (330): i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again. (614): My vagina agrees. http://tfl.nu/ii41
  Replies (20) Good night (6385) Bad night (1001)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.

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  (978): I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it. http://tfl.nu/93wr
  Replies (6) Good night (2522) Bad night (1048)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".

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  (903): She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch". http://tfl.nu/00r2
  Replies (18) Good night (5542) Bad night (1453)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.

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  (907): Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong. http://tfl.nu/skna
  Replies (8) Good night (2906) Bad night (953)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour

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  (416): Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour http://tfl.nu/t42p
  Replies (4) Good night (2066) Bad night (810)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.

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  (215): I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident. http://tfl.nu/6tc4
  Replies (13) Good night (1758) Bad night (804)
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  (925): View more from California

  I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched

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  (925): I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched http://tfl.nu/8lpn
  Replies (2) Good night (759) Bad night (1277)

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