So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
