Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
