dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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