I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
