I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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